In My Mind’s Eye

Worst Day in Recent Memory

2005-02-05T00:09:00.000-05:00

Today must have been the worst day ever – at least in recent memory.

I don’t feel comfortable asking girls out when others are nearby. While I’m driving to the store, I just know for a fact that I will walk out of there disappointed – without her phone number. I was running through all the possible scenarios: She won’t be there; there will be too many customers for me to feel comfortable enough to ask her out; she’s already seeing someone; she’s not interested. Those were it. I enter. There she is. There aren’t any customers. Down to the last two. I pretend to look for something to buy, and stand in front of a stack of Pepperidge Farm cookies. I was looking for something cheaper: A pack of gum, but that’s too close to her. I finally pick up the cookies, and go to checkout. There she is, alone. Now is my chance. I ask her if she’s feeling better from the flu the previous day. We get to chat a bit. Lo and behold! Here comes the manager right behind me doing inventory. Well, this was something I wasn’t expecting. While I’m waiting to be rung up, he just stands right behind me doing whatever the hell he’s doing – just long enough until she was done ringing me up. Our conversation dies. I walk out the store – not too disappointed, having expected everything that just went down – well, almost everything.

I don’t need coworkers telling me I had no chance getting another position I wanted, especially considering they had no idea what my qualifications were. What really bugs me is that I knew the coworker since day one. We started there together. “You had no chance,” he shakes his head. Gee. Thanks, buddy. Your support means the world to me.

I also don’t need spaced-out slackers spilling food on me and apologizing, especially when she has her freaking friend cleaning up her mess. Sorry, huh? So sorry that you have someone else cleaning up your mess? I don’t think so. It’s so laughable that a slacker such as you wants to apply for a supervisory position within the company. Give me a break.

Speaking of supervisors, I spilled bean dip on the floor right before I left tonight. It felt really awkward that a supervisor I really don’t respect look at me with a careless smile.

Whatever.

Face-off in Japan

2005-01-07T23:11:00.000-05:00

World Wrestling Entertainment held a press conference today in Japan to push their February Raw and Smackdown tapings at the Saitama Super Arena with Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels, Stacy Keibler, and Trish Stratus appearing.

When the wrestlers took questions from the media, Angle was asked about wanting to wrestle Shawn Michaels and they noted that they were on different brands, but he'd love to face Shawn and going into work mode, pointed out that he was the only gold medalist in WWE history and could defeat Michaels. Michaels responded by saying that Angle may have been a gold medalist, but there was only one Showstopper in WWE, that being him. They went back and forth with Angle getting angry and standing up. Michaels jumped up as well and they faced off with Shane McMahon (who was acting as a representative for the company and moderating) between them as they glared at the other.... Angle and Michaels have never met in the ring, although they briefly teased something at The Survivor Series PPV when Angle mocked Edge during a backstage segment for losing in the Taboo Tuesday voting to Michaels, saying he could easily beat Michaels. It's probably one of the last "dream matches" left in the company.

During the conference, McMahon said the company was very excited to tape their TV shows in Japan and thanked the Japanese fans for their love of the company....

From PWInsider.com / Sportsnavi.com.

I Don't Understand

2004-12-28T19:40:00.000-05:00

Everything in this world, everything in this universe happens for a reason. Nothing is random. Anyone saying otherwise is a damned fool.

I don't understand why certain things happen. The only explanation is that it serves some sort of twisted purpose. Things should be random so that we all would enjoy free will; but they aren't.

I don't understand.

I Deserve It

2004-06-09T21:11:00.000-05:00

I’m on an intellectual high right now. I’ve been studying for the 63 license for about eternity. I’ve read the 90-page book several times now, and passed with an outstanding 80% on the CD’s version of the final exam. That’s the highest I scored between that and the exam practice. I scored a measly 16% on the “Administrative Provisions of the USA,” which is a surprise. I thought I’d bomb on the “Registration of Persons.” Strengthen my weakness, and I should be fine.

Enjoying my celebratory Neapolitan ice cream, I’m sitting here thinking when I’ll pass the actual 63 exam. Once I pass that, I get a raise at work, as I’m positioned as a “Specialist.”

I deserve it. I don’t deserve much, but I deserve this.

Well, here i am...

2004-05-18T19:31:00.000-05:00

Well it seems as thought i have come to a crossroads in my life. I have had some tough decisions put before me lately, but after much thought and consideration i have decided to leave my boyfriend of four years. I always knew he had a bad temper and was a bit of a jerk but always thought he loved me. I guess i am naive to an extent because i now reailze that all this time he has been abusive to me emotionally and mentally and i dont feel i am the same strong person i once was. I recently witnessed him hurt one of the kids and it broke my heart. Today he is out of town but tomorrow its over. When i get home from work i have to tell him some stuff he is not going to like but i dont even care. Whatever may be will be and i guess i will just move on. My life and the life of my children is more important then anything else. Sacrifices are part of parenting and thats just how it is. Wish me luck, i need it.

Day Four

2004-05-01T23:28:00.000-05:00

My mom sleeps a lot. She slept for at least 12 hours today, and took several naps throughout the day. I guess that’s good for her.

She’s on the phone as I’m typing this, and motioned to me to stop typing because it’s too loud. I’m typing anyway. Stop it, mom.

Today has been pleasant for the most part. I wish I could say it was pleasant throughout, but that wouldn’t be normal.

I took her to my place of employment via my usual scenic route. She was most impressed by the pleasant areas I drive by each day, especially by all the greenery. I take it for granted.

After we arrived, we went inside the building. I showed her where my cubicle was. We sat there for a while, until my mom had enough. We then went outside for a walk. The environment outside of work overwhelmed her. Plants, trees, and a nice pond surround my workplace. We walked around the pond until we left for home.

That was when things became ugly. Almost two months ago, my mom and I had a rare serious discussion over the phone regarding her income after she retires. I brought up life insurance, and stressed to her to seek information on term life only. She received a quote from an insurance company, and brought it with her when she arrived on Wednesday. It had information on both term and universal life.

I’ve been watching enough “Suze Orman” to realize that it’s just not worth getting universal life. The insurance saleswoman convinced my mom that universal life was a necessity. She was sold, and wanted to pass it by me before agreeing to the policy. I told her that it wasn’t a good idea, and that the saleswoman simply wanted more money from her, but she wouldn’t hear it.

An episode of “Suze Orman” aired again tonight, and coincidentally, Ms. Orman reiterated that any form of life insurance — aside from term — was a rip-off. (My mom had seen Ms. Orman plenty back out west, but wasn’t quite sure what she did. I explained it to her.) I pointed that out to my mom, who was watching it, too, and she finally saw the light. I went on a rant wondering why she had to hear from a third party to be persuaded by anything, why my word meant absolutely nothing. I don’t know why this bothered me after 25 years, but I figured to ask anyway.

Unfortunately, my mom still sees me as the naïve 8-year-old, to whom she doesn’t have to listen for anything. As long as I’m younger than she is, she won’t listen to what I have to say — unless someone else confirms it.

I notice that things become tense between us whenever she wants to eat. She offered to make some food, and I told her that I wasn’t hungry. She thinks that I have a death wish because I don’t eat as much as she does. She has this way of making me eat by asking if she can cook for herself. I gave in, knowing what to expect: She “mistakenly” overcooked and landed a plate of food in front of me. Since she’s leaving tomorrow, I didn’t resist.

I’m trying to make this as easy as possible. As funny as this sounds, I’m going to miss her when she leaves tomorrow.

Hello!

2004-05-01T15:02:00.000-05:00

Thanks for letting me post here, I think this is great! Just wanted to drop by and say hello, and hope things are going ok with your mom. My day has been pretty hohum, just playing around on my website and whatnot, got some groceries and picked up a few items at some local garage sales. The kids are eating a snack and watching scooby doo, and tonight is family movie night. I am thinking of making milkshakes and popcorn. We bought a new blender today in our garage sale hunt, so i am anxious to try it out. The kids are excited because I told them I can use it to make slurpees..lol. But gotta run, talk to ya again soon.

My Apology to the Stylist

2004-05-01T10:24:00.000-05:00

I’m an idiot. My apology goes out to the girl who cut my hair yesterday. It seems as though that area on my head I was complaining about was a result of pressure when I had lied my head on the car-seat headrest for a lengthy time. It was a mere part, not an accidental over-buzz.

All that rant for nothing.

I haven’t shaved in a week and a half, in hopes of growing some facial hair to present a more serious look at work. Man alive, what a feeble attempt. It looks like I landed face-first in a pile of dirt. The hair is barely visible. My sideburns were a joke: Each strand of hair on my sides pointed every which way and was so far apart from one another, it looked ridiculous. The chick yesterday offered to shave it off. I was able to take the hint, and let her do it.

Three Days of Hairy Iraqis

2004-04-30T19:18:00.000-05:00

I finally had my hair cut today. I’ve been shaving my head bald for the past year and a half. I got lazy, and let it grow out the last several weeks. I figured it was getting long to the point where I can finally go to the barber.

I was intent in going to an actual barbershop, not one of those chains. I had my eyes set on this one place for a week, and was looking forward to it. I’m going to work on Monday, and I’m going to look like a new man, I thought to myself. So I go in, and sit down to wait. It wasn’t too busy. A couple of attractive girls worked there (one visibly pregnant), when I expected the employees to consist of old men only. That’s what I had hoped for, but there was only one scrawny old guy busy clipping away. Perhaps he was the “Carl” whose shop was named after. For some strange reason, I kept thinking “Carl” impregnated his fellow coworker. Don’t ask me why.

But I digress. The other girl working there was ready for me and called me up. She used a buzzer; no scissors whatsoever. My hair is really thick. I don’t even call it hair: It’s fur. There are three strands of hair per pore. I counted. I showed her my driver’s license so she would see how I wanted my hair done. A few minutes later, it’s done. She showed me the back of my head, while I fumbled with my glasses. I said, “great! I like it!” She was happy, and I thought I tipped her a bit more than I really should have; but that’s hindsight.

I come home, and get a better look at my hair —

HOLY SHIT! She fucked it up!

She didn’t touch the front and top, only the sides and back. There’s one area on the back of my head where she buzzed too deeply. I noticed it in an awkward angle using my second mirror. Now I’m debating if I should shave my head off again or just leave it as is. The thing with a bald head is that you never have a bad hair day.

Perhaps I should go back to the shop tomorrow and wreak havoc: Grab a buzzer, turn it on, and run around the place like a madman — not caring whose hair gets buzzed.

Anyway, I’ve wanted to mention how disappointed I’ve been in the soldiers in Iraq who’ve humiliated those Iraqi POWs. Those images were so disturbing. One US soldier said in an interview that he was never made aware of the Geneva Convention. Well, damn, at least use some common sense when you're handling your captured enemies. Even though they’re your enemies, treat them with respect: You’re representing the US.

They should require that all soldiers take an IQ test, and the ones with the higher scores should be in charge of those with the lower ones, in hopes of eliminating these occurrences. If this is what they’re already doing, then I’m hopeless. You can’t be proud to be an American when people, who are supposed to defend democracy, go out and do this. It’s despicable.

It’s day three with my mom, and things have improved until just a few minutes ago. I’m trying really hard to let things slide. You would think she would listen to me and respect my wishes, especially since it’s my home; but why would someone listen to you now if she’s never listened to you your entire life? I know she means well, but she should relax and let me take care of my own place. She’s almost 60.

Two more days until she leaves, and I hope things get better.

Gateway’s Rebuttal on Day Two

2004-04-29T23:20:00.000-05:00

If there are any investment advisers reading this, please feel free to leave a comment to advise on what I should do.

I purchased shares of Gateway stock late last year at $5.99. I’ve been losing money since I invested in the stock, except when shares rose as high as $6.62 on April 12. I should have sold it then, but I figured that the stock was finally on the rise. Ideally, I was going to wait until the price doubled. My coworkers laugh at me for keeping it, let alone waiting until it doubles; they’re confident I’m going to lose all of my money. I was feeling pretty comfortable since the rise, until I read this from the AP today: “Gateway to Eliminate Another 1,500 Jobs.”

Apparently, this is a 40% reduction in their workforce. The company hasn’t profited in 13 of the previous 14 quarters. The latter didn’t scare me, but the former did. Forty percent? That will leave about 2000 employees remaining.

I knew when I initially bought the stock that I was going to take some serious risk, especially considering the financial state the company was in. Price was low, so I bought. I don’t want to be like many of those who buy high, then sell low (out of panic); those people shouldn’t even play the market, IMO.

This isn’t the first time I felt nervous about the stock. Normally, when companies take proactive measures to reduce their loss, the stock goes up. We’ll see how it trades tomorrow morning.

Onto other stuff: It’s day two of my mom’s visit. I have to say it went a lot better today, but two stubborn heads clashing constantly would present a serious headache — especially for me. I guess things go a lot better when I’m in control. Whenever I visit my mom out west, it’s under her terms, and it usually gets ugly. I prefer that it be under my own terms. I drove her around all day, and I’m exhausted. We ate afterwards, and she stopped complaining. Her visit is turning out to be a lot better than I expected.

T-Diddy of Paralysis of the Mind rebutted to a comment I left on his blog; political stuff, if you’re interested. I’m still undecided come November.

Day One

2004-04-28T21:32:00.000-05:00

My mom has arrived. It's day one. The initial headache has subsided, and everything is fine now. I'm glad she is here. She leaves on Sunday.

I have this tendency of getting to places way before I'm supposed to. I waited for my mom at the airport for an hour. The flight wasn't late. I was just early.

I showed my mom one of the places where I had worked on our way from the airport — the memories. I'll show her around the city in the following days. We'll see.

I hope things go smoothly until Sunday. History has proven otherwise. I'm looking to change that pattern.

The Stupids

2004-04-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

Where does one go wrong in life? Is he born stupid or does he stumble upon stupidity and simply remain there? Why wouldn't he want to right himself? What stops man from achieving perfection? Why does he remain stupid? Why are some just so damn slow?

There should be laws where certain people just can't have sex. Sex should be limited to those who strive for perfection; not necessarily achieve it, but come close to it. Stupids fucking seriously messes up the mental state of the following generation.

Best Songs during Vacation When I'm Not Asleep, and Feeling Spicy about Election Day

2004-04-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

The best songs out there are "Like a Stone" and "I Am the Highway," both produced by Audioslave. I love songs in which you can feel the emotion. It can be powerful.

It's a beautiful day, and I wasted it in-doors. I'm still on vacation.

My mom arrives tomorrow. I still don't know what to make of it. In a perfect world, we wouldn't argue.

Apparently, study shows that too much sleep is not healthy. I guess this week will cut down my life-span right in half. I woke up after twelve hours of sleep each day since Saturday. I wake up after 7 to 8 hours of sleep, but since I'm on vacation, I doze off for a bit longer. My body feels heavier when I get out of bed after the 10th and 11th hour. Don't know why that is. I'm anxiously rapping on Death's door.

My new favorite commercial goes to Burger King. It's the one in which those co-workers stand around the table with that one nut shouting "I'm spicy!" Don't ask why; it just cracks me up.

We're doomed come Election Day this November. I voted for Bush back in 2000, even though I now regret it. Kerry can't answer questions directly, and can't make up his mind. During the Democratic Primaries, people said that they voted for Kerry because he looks "presidential." Can you believe people vote based on looks? I certainly can't. If they actually listened to what Kerry had to say, maybe they'll realize just how much he lacks in credibility. I'm still undecided. Hopefully, my mind will be made up by November.

Disrespecting a Legend

2004-04-26T22:45:00.000-05:00

So, I was watching "Raw" tonight, and was disturbed by something. (Imagine that: Disturbed by wrestling.)

The show was from Topeka, KS tonight, and Harley Race was sitting in the front row. For those who don't follow wrestling or have just started watching it, Race was a legend throughout the 1970s and 1980s. He was a multiple-time champion in the NWA (National Wrestling Alliance). At the time, the NWA was a competitor against WWE. The NWA went out of business in the late 1980s. WWE is the only major wrestling company in the US, and pretty much owns the entire history of the wrestling business — including the history of the NWA.

Over a month ago, WWE made a kind gesture to Race, and inducted him into the company's Hall of Fame.

Tonight, WWE had one of their up-and-comers (Randy Orton) come down to ringside and spit in Race's face. Orton calls himself "The Legend Killer." He has the tendency of disrespecting the legends in the industry. The "legends" Orton has disrespected still wrestle on occassion, but Race is someone who retired over a decade ago. He can barely walk after years of abuse on his knees.

Even if they end up with Race getting back at Orton, I feel that they should have gone another route. A slap in the face would have sufficed.

No one wants to be spit in the face.

The First Blog

2004-04-26T18:36:00.000-05:00

So Stone Cold is gone again from WWE. I believe this is the 3rd time he's left the company. Will he make a 3rd come-back?

As I'm typing this, I'm thinking why feet have to stink so badly. I haven't been out all day.

My mom will visit me for the first time since I moved out to the east. I guess you can say I am looking forward to her visit, but I'm not looking forward to the possible arguments.